God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize