I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
and you fell through a lawn chair
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
