I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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