found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
