He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
