im drinking this country out of the recession.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
