hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
