I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
