I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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