Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
