Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Randomize
