I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
