You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just gift wrapped bread.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
