i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
