Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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