She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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