You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
