i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
