we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
