just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
