booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
