I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
