never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
