fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My vagina is officially offended.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
