my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
