Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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