and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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