i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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