I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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