i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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