i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
