Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
