he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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