Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I think my moral compass just broke
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
