I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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