Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
