I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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