why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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