Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
