The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
