yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
