I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
