he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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