omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
