my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
organizing the empties. That sober.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
