I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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