Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
