Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
