your thong is hanging out like whoa
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
