My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I think I just shit out all my problems.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
