Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
