I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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