Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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