for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize