I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
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