I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
