whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
