remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
