Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
