Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
