you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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