if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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