also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
