God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
