Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
