capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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