if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
