she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
