someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
two words: eviction party
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
