dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
