WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
