I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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