my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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