i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
