found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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