hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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